How are you and your spouse doing with communication? What grade would you give yourself as a communicator? What grade would you give to your mate? Would you say that you are very close to each other, that you share everything about your lives and enjoy each other’s company—or would you say that you rarely speak to each other and find that you often annoy each other? Would you say that you are strangers or sweethearts?
If your communication skills are less than the best, you are not alone. Communication is difficult for many couples, and one of the reasons is that men and women naturally think so differently from each other. On a national level, people whose value system and way of thinking is drastically different from ours sometimes pose a threat to our national security by virtue of the way they think. This has been illustrated many times over in Iraq and Afghanistan. However, just because someone thinks differently doesn’t mean that person has to be your enemy. It is possible to form alliances and forge friendships, but it requires a great deal of communication.
Paul talks about communication in his discussion of tongues in I Corinthians chapter 14. “So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? for ye shall speak into the air. There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification. Therefore if I know not the meaning of the voice, I shall be unto him that speaketh a barbarian, and he that speaketh shall be a barbarian unto me” (I Corinthians 14:9-11). Here, he is stressing the importance of the idea that everyone in attendance should understand what is being said in a church service; and he says that when we do not understand one another, we seem like barbarians. If you have travelled in a foreign country and without knowing the native language, you can certainly comprehend what Paul is saying.
Years ago I was on a mission trip in Seoul, South Korea, and needed some film for my camera. I decided to venture out by myself and find a store where I could by film. I walked for quite some time before I came to a store that carried film. Of course, when I got to the counter, I could not communicate with the clerk at all. I could not speak her language, and she could not speak mine. I showed her my camera and pointed to the display case where I saw boxes of film on the shelf. I was excited because I recognized the distinctive Kodak colors and logo. I thought if I could just look at the box, I would be able to tell if I had the exact kind of film I needed. However, when she handed me the box, I realized that there was not one recognizable character on that box except for the logo. In my frustration, I tried to ask what speed the film was, but to no avail. The lady just looked at me like I had lost my mind. The harder I tried, the more ridiculous the situation became. We could not communicate because we were not speaking the same language. We were complete strangers, and nothing could change that fact.
Many couples are strangers when they ought to be sweethearts. They remain distant and strange to one another when in reality they should be very close and very familiar. If communication is difficult for you and your spouse, you must work to know and understand each other better. Find out why he acts the way he does. Find out why she says the things she does. Realize that your mate has a different viewpoint and a different way of thinking. Your mate has different priorities. Find out what they are and keep those priorities in mind, especially when you are talking to each other. If you can identify these differences and become familiar with how your mate is thinking, you can become sweethearts once again.
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