In Genesis 3:16 as God was dealing with Eve about her sin, He said of Adam, “…and he shall rule over thee.” It is certainly not a popular view today, but God clearly gave Adam the leadership role in the home. It seems that relatively few couples actually interact in a way that emphasizes the authority of the husband, but that does not change the fact that God’s plan works in building happy marriages.
However, I think it is easy for men to revel in their God-given position as the head of the home without fulfilling their role as a competent leader. This always makes it difficult for the wife to follow. (It is hard to follow someone who is going nowhere.) Authority is always accompanied by responsibility. The Bible has quite a bit to say about what a good ruler should be. Rather than spend our time pounding our chests because we are “the boss,” we men need to concentrate on being the right kind of leader. The biblical word used in Genesis 3:16 is rule. If we are rulers, what kind of rulers must we be? We look to the Bible to prove that we are to rule, then let us also look to God’s Word to find what kind of rulers we must be.
1. A Ruler Must Be Righteous.
“When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn” (Proverbs 29:2).
We must begin with righteousness, doing right. This takes character. It takes personal integrity. Both of these qualities seem to be in short supply these days. It is difficult to lead others when we are setting a poor example in our personal lives. How can you use the Bible to tell your wife she needs to submit to you if she never sees you read your Bible? How can you demand that she do what is right by following you if she constantly sees you rebelling against every authority in your life? Personal character and righteousness goes a long way to bolster the position of a leader. Without it, you really don’t have a leg to stand on.
2. A Ruler Must Be Wise.
“There is an evil which I have seen under the sun, as an error which proceedeth from the ruler: folly is set in great dignity, and the rich sit in low place”
(Ecclesiastes 10:5-6)
“Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished” (Ecclesiastes 4:13).
Men complain about the attack on masculinity in our society today, and rightly so. It is tiresome when every attempt is made to cast the father or the husband in a poor light. We see this happening in the news, in education, in entertainment, in advertising—almost everywhere we look. Perhaps you have been frustrated enough by what you have seen to voice your concerns. That is understandable, but don’t just complain about every man being cast as a dolt; instead, make sure you don’t add to the problem by being one!
In many cases I feel sorry for a wife who is being expected to follow her husband in spite of the fact that he is constantly making bad decisions and exercising poor judgment. His ineptitude by no means exempts her from her obligation to submit, but it does arouse sympathy for her in the heart of those who are observing the situation.
Men, as we lead our homes, we must ask God for wisdom every day. We must make decisions carefully, and we must get good counsel about major issues.3. A Ruler Must Be Diligent.
“The hand of the diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute” (Proverbs 12:24).
Being the leader at home means more than getting to hold the remote. It entails more than sitting on the couch drinking iced tea while your wife slaves in the kitchen. Leadership requires diligence. You have a great deal of responsibility, and you will not be able to keep up without a concerted effort. You will never manage your affairs properly if you spend all of your free time simply goofing off. If you are attending to everything that is on your plate, you probably won’t have a lot of free time.
A diligent man inspires confidence. This makes him much easier to follow. No one wants to follow a lazy bum. Yes, you want your wife and children to follow you, but you don’t want them to hate it. Get busy doing something and, all of the sudden, you may look up to catch a glimpse of an admiring gaze where once there was a smirk.
4. A Ruler Must Be Gentle.
“A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel” (Proverbs 12:10).
This one is critically important. We are commanded in I Peter 3:7 to give honor to the wife as the weaker vessel. A woman needs a gentle leader. She needs him to be strong, she needs him to lead, but she also needs him to be gentle.
Male leadership often breaks down here, because we tend to think that we must be gruff and mean in order to be masculine. Shouting at your wife does not prove you are a strong man. Yelling at your kids doesn’t make you a powerful force in their lives. Before long they will tune you out, and you will lose all of the power and influence that you once had.
God deals with us gently. He certainly has the power to make us obey Him. He could force us to do His will, but He allows us to follow of our own volition. We would be more like our Heavenly Father as leaders if we treated our mates gently.
Remember, it is not any easier for your wife to follow you than it would be for you to follow her. Our wives are commanded to follow our leadership, and we cannot change that; but we can make it easier for them to follow by being the right kind of leaders.
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