In Ephesians chapter five, Paul used the marriage relationship to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church. This passage has become a manual for the role of the husband and the wife in marriage. In Ephesians chapter one, Paul discusses the doctrine of predestination. If we take a closer look at chapter one, we can find an important lesson that will help our marriages.

Many people are confused about the doctrine of predestination. They believe that God chooses who will and will not be saved. These folks believe that, if you are chosen to be saved, you will be saved no matter what happens; and if you are chosen to be lost, you cannot possibly be saved. However, this is exactly the opposite of what the passage in Ephesians chapter one teaches.
before the foundation of the world, God chose what He would do for those who were willing to place their trust in Christ.
The key to understanding the doctrine of predestination is the last phrase of verse 12, “…who first trusted in Christ.” A simple summary of this passage is that, before the foundation of the world, God chose what He would do for those who were willing to place their trust in Christ. When Adam sinned, God had already decided what to do about it. When I trusted Christ, God had already decided what He was going to do for me in return. That is predestination in a nutshell, and it is in the example of God’s preparation for mankind that we find an example that will help any husband or wife.

Sadly, about half of the marriages in America end in divorce. I believe that one of the reasons for the large numbers of failed marriages today is that most couples do not have the proper attitude towards marriage. Too many people approach marriage as an experiment—“Let’s just see what happens.” With this mindset, there are no guarantees. The decision about whether to stay together is made on a daily basis. As long as things are smooth sailing, this can work; but when the tough times come, many bail out. This kind of thinking tends more toward brevity than longevity. To combat this devastating trend toward divorce, let me share with you some decisions that should already be made before a couple ever reaches the marriage altar.

Put God First.
It would seem that it could go without saying that we must put God first, but I find that our biggest problem as Christians is that we are just not very good Christians. Read your Bible, and pray every day. Pray together. Attend church faithfully. Decide what kind of church you want to spend your lives in. Decide how involved you plan to be. (If you don’t decide that you are going to be totally committed to God’s work, then you probably won’t be.) All of your priorities and your manner of living should reflect this decision to put God first.

Marriage Is for Life.
God’s intention was that one man and one woman would share a lifetime. Our intentions should be the same. If you are not ready to make this kind of commitment, you are not ready to get married.

Never Use the Word Divorce.
If you never say it, you will never do it. Don’t make threats. “If you do that again, I am going to leave you!” These kinds of statements should never be made.

Put Your Mate’s Needs and Wants Before Your Own.
This seems so simple, but with most of the struggling couples with whom I have dealt, the issues usually boil down to pure selfishness. Decide that you are going to be the one that puts the other first.

Develop Ground Rules for Communication.

a. Spend a lot of time talking to each other. There will be times when this is difficult, but you must find a way. Put the kids to bed early. Go for a walk. Go on a date. Find ways to spend time together.

b. Agree to disagree in a civil manner. Decide that there will be no yelling, no throwing things, and absolutely no hitting. Make a decision that only one person can be upset at a time. If your mate is already upset, you will have to wait your turn.

c. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. Don’t hold grudges. When you say that you have forgiven your mate, then stop reminding him or her about what has been forgiven.

d. Tell the truth. Yes, make up your mind that there will be no stories, no fibs, and no “little white lies.”

Decide How You Will Raise Your Children.
You will need to talk about this. The Bible has plenty to say about child rearing, and the Bible plan works. However, there is more than one way to apply these truths. The point here is that the two of you need to agree on what you will and will not do in raising your kids. Please don’t argue over this in front of your children. Decide what the guidelines will be before you get married.

Decide How You Will Handle Your Finances.
Will there be one checkbook or two? Are you going to have credit cards? If so, how will you use them? As many of these questions as possible should be answered ahead of time.

Certainly many other things could be added to the list, but I think you will agree that these are essentials and should be near the top. The doctrine of predestination is actually pretty simple once we understand it. God decided ahead of time what those who trust in Christ will receive. God’s infinite wisdom in doing this makes married life a lot simpler when we follow His pattern and make the right decisions ahead of time then stick with them. One might say that if we have already decided the important things, we are “predestined” to have a happy marriage.